What is going on?

I’m moving. I opened a new site and it is called mloigeret.com. What’s new?  is bilingual.

It means that I won’t write here anymore but don’t worry, the adventure continues on the new site.

If you were subscribing here you will be automatically transferred to receive english posts on mloigeret.com. If you want to subscribe to receive the French posts you will have to subscribe on the French part of the site.

Go have a look right now. The first post in French is already published and the first post in English will come very shortly.

So yep that’s it… Bye bye In Space We Trust!… See you on the other side!

Terrified of freedom

So, yeah… I quit my job. This is usually a good thing to write about to impress your readers. Except, I am not going to tell you it is awesome. My life as a solo entrepreneur has just begun, it’s too soon to draw any conclusion… So I won’t tell you to quit your job or escape your cubicle, because I never worked in a cubicle and anyway the cubicle is in your head. I actually had a lot of latitude in my job. A year ago, I had a nice corner office with a nice view. I worked a lot, the salary was good. And I decided to work part-time just to get, you know, more time. Now I just want to be independent, that is the main thing. And I feel I am more useful this way.

The company I was working for has been really supportive. I suppose being nice with them helped (in any kind of situation, having manners and being diplomatic is always right). So I did not say “fuck you” to everybody, I did not burn the bridges. I thought about it, I thought about turning the page and leaving the last ten years completely behind me, but this is not how I am. When you express what you want and how everybody can benefit from it, things get smoother. My ex-company’s branch in Montreal (and other branches in the world) are now my first clients. And I sincerely thank them for helping in the process of creating my own company.

Now, what is the plan? Basically I am a freelance developer/consultant. Some people ask me if I have written a business plan: the answer is no. I don’t have a plan… But I have work, enough work to live decently, enough work that I love doing and that still leaves me enough time to manage my life as I want to. Do I need investments? No… Do I need a loan? No… I actually don’t need anything. And no, I’m not planning on being the next Steve Jobs, thank you for asking. I want to keep this freelance thing small. I’m not interested in growing it until it becomes an uncontrollable stressful job. No… I want to keep this simple and enjoyable. That’s why I don’t have a business plan, I just have clients and work to do and that’s enough.

The counter part now: this freedom comes at a price. I’m absolutely terrified. I don’t really now what is ahead (this is part of the “not having a plan” plan). I mean I have projects for the next months and I ‘m confident I will keep having clients. No really, I’m not scared of not being able to work or losing my income… I’m kind of terrified of freedom. And that is something I was not expecting. Even if we were all mostly raised in free countries, with freedom promoted as a great value, we are still used to follow directions we are told to follow. As far as I can remember I was always able to ask someone “Now what?” and I always got a pretty simple, easy and safe answer. Go to college, study, find a job, find another job, pay your taxes… Now I am almost the only one who can answer the “Now what ?” question when it relates to what I want to work on. I could stay in bed all day or work like a maniac.

Don’t get me wrong, I have been responsible before, but I realize now it was always responsible in the boundaries of a structure I was not responsible for.  I was always on somebody else schedule. Ultimately, the company was answering the “now what ?” question and it was, in some ways, reassuring. Now I slowly begin to be comfortable with this uncertainty/responsibility/uncontrollable terror thing. It is not as bad as it seems. Or at least I thought I would be freaking out more than I actually am.

It’s in uncertainty that opportunities happen. It’s when we are actually being responsible than we are leading our lives. Will I succeed as an entrepreneur, I think yes… I would not do it if I knew I could not, I am not that stupid in challenging uncertainty (and I’m also a fairly optimistic guy). But what if I fail? I don’t know… Something positive would probably happen. I believe being honest and true to people saves the day whatever you do. That’s what I’m trying to do, even if I am kind of an asshole too.

I’m just talking about working but the “Now what?” question can be applied to any decision you make in your life. Your relationships, your health, the ideals you want to promote, etc… We are obviously very influenced in all these matters. What are the easy answers we are following? Are these really our decisions?


Context matters

A couple of weeks ago, I went to Montreal’s Nuit Blanche.  It’s an all-night festival offering a bunch of cultural presentations. Most of the activities are free and they include museums, street art performances, winter out-door activities, concerts etc… One of these activities is called “Art Souterrain” (Underground Art). It’s a huge exhibition of modern art in Montreal underground city. It goes from sculptures to interactive audio/video experiences to live performances. I must admit I don’t understand all of it, I’m not really into this kind of abstract modern art, but it is still entertaining.

One of the thing I noticed was quite interesting. People seemed really interested by this wall of screens and fluorescent tubes at Place des Arts. It’s a big assemblage of screens and light telling a story through some kind of abstract videos. What was interesting about it? Well, it was not part of the “Art Souterrain” exhibition. This has been there for two years or so. In “normal” times, nobody pays attention to it. Of course there is sometimes, a couple of tourists taking pictures or stopping to watch, but most of people here just go pass it, have a quick glance and don’t pay more attention than that.

People walking by the "screen" at Place des Arts

When people are in a context of experiencing art, all of sudden this screen wall takes another dimension. It makes people stop, dozens and dozens of them. They take pictures like it is something so unique in space and time that they have to immortalize this moment. Do they know they can come back another day and appreciate it without the whole crowd? Would they notice it and appreciate it during a normal day? Who knows?

It makes me wonder: What/who goes unnoticed every day because no context makes us pay attention?

How laziness is saving my life

In the previous post I wrote here, I talked about how I never work for long on a single task, that everything I really want is to drink beer, watch TV and have a nap. I didn’t want to seem like a stupid lazy ass. But that’s true, for some reason even if I force myself to work and am satisfied by the results of this work, my reasoning is always to as less as possible and chill. I suppose I am not the only one in this case and many people feel the same need to just do nothing. We know more than anything else that we can have a positive impact through our labor but there is this unresistible force that drives us to take the easy path of doing nothing.

So when I wrote that previous post, I was thinking of how soon I could take a nap and that was leading me to write faster. Yes it did, but I never took a nap that day. Once I was finished with my post, I started working on a little development project for 40 minutes and then I left for a yoga class.

Laziness is actually saving my life. When you accept laziness and learn how to live with this lizard brain instinct, you can domesticate it. I lure my brain into thinking that I will chill in 30 minutes, an hour or whatever. Sometimes it happens, but most of the time it does not. I just make the little effort to hop on another project. When I am finished with a task I think that I can just stop. I think of it and it sucks to start something else. I really have to force myself to accept to do something new instead of just walking to the fridge and have a beer. But I tell myself just another 45 minutes and it will be ok. And then my brain is satisfied. I passed the effort of accepting to start something new, after that I’m already in the zone and everything is ok. When I reach 45 minutes, I’m glad it is finished… In the end it did not suck as bad I thought it would but I am still happy to finished. “So now beer, nap or TV?”… “oh shut up stupid brain!!” … and I have to make the effort to start something new again.

The bad news is that it never finishes, there is always something interesting to do and it always requires this little discipline.

I make myself think I have naps every day. In reality it’s just twice a week or so. But it ’s ok, my lizard brain thinks it’s true.

That’s how I keep doing stuff.

I am too weak to eliminate laziness… And I don’t think it is actually possible. I believe there some physiological force that naturally drives us to rest.

But with just a little effort we can use it as a productive instinct.

Working long hours does not mean you are productive

There is this idea that working long hours shows that you are productive. I still have to understand why people think like that. I never experienced being productive after a long day. I remember getting bored and tired. But productive? Nope.

Let’s face it: I’m lazy. Some people think I’m a good worker and I actually work a lot, but trust me, I will do everything in my power to do nothing and watch stupid shows like The Walking Dead on TV or go out to have a beer. I really feel bad about it. But, that being said I worry a lot about it too. And I can’t really relax when I know I have something to do. It drives me nuts. So I keep doing stuff. And since I want to maximize my relaxing time, I just do things fast (and drink a lot of coffee).

It took me forever to do stuff before because:

– I was waiting for someone to tell me what to do,

– I was letting people interrupt me,

– I was trying to multitask,

– I was trying to find the perfect solution,

– I was waiting for someone to approve of the way I was handling situations…

Now I just do stuff and yes I’m scared of being wrong or going too fast but generally everything is ok. And I spend less time correcting what I did wrong than actually trying to make it perfect in the first place.

Focus intensely for a short period of time

I get tired or unfocused really quickly. Generally one hour (or maybe one hour and a half) is my maximum concentration time. After that I need to do something else: have a walk, talk to some one about random stuff, listen to some music, etc…  So I plan one hour to work on something really specific and that’s it. I even try to write blog posts like this one in less than 15 minutes,which leaves me 45 minutes of the hour I planned for to have nap (I told you I was lazy).

Working in small chunks of intensive focus really gets the best of what you can give. Think of a what you worked on today. Why did it take so long? Where you waiting for something or interrupted or anything else? Did you spend more time on meaningful work than anything else? I couldn’t concentrate this morning because for some reasons my phone kept ringing. i could have ignored it but no, i thought it was more clever to answer it. I lost hours, just because I was interrupted.

I was helping a colleague to put an Ikea filing cabinet together yesterday. The whole work did not take long, but we spent time talking and looking for the right screwdriver or where the hell was the hammer. I spent 30 minutes alone and got more done than I did in the 2 hours before. Just because I was alone in an office with no computer, no phone, nobody… nothing to distract me. After that he came back, helped for 10 minutes (because that was the kind of stuff where you need to have 3 hands). It was done, not perfect, but done (you know, this mysterious little screw that is always left behind when you think everything is done… we just put it into the garbage). We were tired so we got out and had a beer. Done!

I experimented with this last summer. I worked half of the time I was working before and I got the same amount of work done. Because I was stressing about the stuff I had to do, but also I really wanted to go out of the office and enjoy the weather. So everything went faster (and honestly I even think I could have been faster than that). I hope my boss is not reading this. Just kidding, he’s already aware of it.

So the bad news is if you work for long hours it’s probably because you are slow. The good news is: it’s easy to go faster. Just put a timer next to you and imagine you are Jack Bauer. That’s what I do, I know it’s stupid… but guess what? who is having a nap now?

What kind of stuff do you do faster than before now? And why?

The recursive loop in work

In nature information and support are the same. We see beauty and romantic landscapes in a forest or a tree. But a tree is a tree, it’s the story and the support.

A rock or a plant are just two entities of organized data. The rock is random chaotic amount of atoms, its functionality is basic. The plant is organized. Its fractal computing functions are way more complex than the rock. It breathes, it transforms molecules and data in other forms of molecules and data. The plant is auto-optimized, it grows and changes its data arrangement and its computing functions by itself.

Like nature’s super-computer we want to harness this power of data arrangement. Technology evolves until we reach this nature-like feeling, until our content is delivered in the most natural way. That’s why the content and the support are slowly merging. Art is not so much about the message but how the message is conveyed and how the platform resonates with the message.

James Cameron movies are great examples. His success is not random. He understands that the story and the technology have come to a resonance. Aliens was one of the last movie to use complex mechanical puppets and almost no CGI – the end scene is a battle between a super-mechanical tool and the alien. Abyss is underwater and was about pushing forward this water-like CGI technology. Avatar is about entering another world in another skin and was also about immersing the viewer into a never seen before 3D cinematography.

There is this idea of recursivity. This is the path that brings the content and the platform together. How can the content enhance the platform? How can the platform enhance the content? How can my work enhance my work?

It’s recursive, like fractal patterns in nature. Most of my work becomes shaping my work, creating functions that will allow me to create functions, etc… And it’s not only the work of a developer. Any work can be optimized. It seems natural after all: we live experiences that open possibilities and make us grow to live other experiences. There is no reason to think of our work as being a linear list of tasks. It’s more. Find how to optimize your work and concentrate on that. The rest will follow.

What is the recursive loop in your work?

On time perception and boredom

Here is a little post that was inspired/initiated by Mark and Emiel. It does not make a lot of sense but it’s nice little story that I like to tell people. I wrapped this up with time and boredom concepts but really it is just a little silly story… 

Time is not real. It exists but it does not really. You know that when you get in the zone, nothing appears the same. Time is flexible concept because it is just what your mind perceives.

The idea of time flexibility happened to me when I was 15. Before that I believed time was a long linear boring thing, which was indeed boring. I was visiting my great-uncle who was living in Ivory Coast at the time. I spent a month over there. We traveled accross the country, visited small villages where he had friends. I experienced wonderful things, met incredible people. Let’s put that in context: my only goal in life when I was 15 was to get a Playstation. That’s it. Afetr travelling to Ivory Coast that Playstation need disappearred. If you have annoying teenagers, now you know what to do.

At some point of our your I did what everybody told me not to do whatever the reason: I drank some water out of a plastic bag that someone was selling in the middle of nowhere. Now that I see that written it seems even stupider than it really was. Of course I got sick with heavy stomach pains and diarrhea. Fortunately we met a nurse in the small village we were visiting at the time. She told me to get some  acetaminophen at a pharmacy.  We travelled hours on a bumpy road and finally got to a pharmacy. The pharmacist gave me the strong acetaminophen of the medication which worked good. This night I ate some of my dinner (my digestive system was still feeling weird but I already starting to feel better) and I went to bed early. And this is where this story gets interesting: this night lasted for a month. Ok… let me be clear, there was a trick. What I did not know (and you don’t know yet either) is that when you ask for extra strong acetaminophen in Ivory Coast, they give the codeine version. I read on wikipedia that it is good in to cure diarrhea. That must be the reason the pharmacist gave me some. I just wish he warned me of the side effects, like losing perception of time.

I remember getting up and going back to sleep several dozen of times that night. I walked in circles for days. I got bored. I also remember music, some kind of ceremony outside with a lot of singing that lasted for hours/days but I could be wrong. Perhaps it was only a couple of minutes, I can’t tell. Anyway this trance music and frenetic rhythms did not help my condition. After a while (or several days) I started panicking. For some reason, the idea of going out of my room and looking for help did not occur. I think this is the first time I sat down and started meditating on purpose. It was not a pleasing experience but I clearly remember trying to navigate into my mind and find the origin of what was happening to me. Some lizards and geckos entered the room (like every night) except I could not do anything about it as we were clearly not living in the space-time continuum. I just remember them slowly moving across the room. The situation was really getting worse as I started to accept to be stuck in time. That’s all I can remember. I wish I had a video of what happened to me. Was I hallucinating the whole time. Did I really get up? Was I dreaming… it really feels like a dream except I’m sure it was not.

Eventually daylight appeared and I got up earlier than usual somewhat refreshed from my month-long night. Except I still had diarrhea, but we’ll skip that part.

This experience offered me a new perception of time. Like if something had been unlocked in my brain. I am sure you too perceive time differently depending on what you are doing and you certainly don’t need codeine for that. But I always refer to this experience as the starting point of this realization. It helps me consider how much tasks I can accomplish in an hour or a day. Or how much time I need by myself doing nothing.

I have been sick since Sunday morning and I took yesterday afternoon and this morning to rest. I know I can push myself and do work but I generally end up being even more sick. So I take it easy, I watched grandma’s shows on TV, I had several naps and I stayed sit thinking of how the light intensity was slowly decreasing in my living room.

I just read Mandy’s post  about boredom. Like Mandy, I don’t get bored often. Time seems to go so fast that I always have a billion of ideas emerging from nowhere and stuff to do. But then I remember that I can alter my time perception. I can get bored if I want to. I have a need to get bored. And I know I need it because this when I get bored that creativity is refuelled.

Perhaps, just perhaps, taking a cold as an opportunity to get bored is the right choice. Right now, it sure does seem right.

Assholes vs Carebears

French people have a special personality: they feel really comfortable to be assholes in public. They go in front of you at the bakery, they push everyone to enter the bus, sales representatives have no problem telling you that you bother them when they should be helping you, etc… I suppose it’s a latin thing.

Here in Canada I was surprised by people being polite. I did not understand why they were waiting in line in front of a bus stop when I first got here. If you want to spot French tourists in Montreal, just look at those who have no problem entering the bus in front of a 50 people waiting line. I was a little embarrassed when friends of mine did that and when I explained to them the Montreal bus habits ; they often told me “ well… nothing prevented others to be faster than me”. According to French standards, it’s ok, but in Canada, reacting like this is a serious case of assholery. Oh… and I’m not saying I’m all nice and stuff. I am an asshole too. For example, another public transportation “rule” here is to get up and leave your seat so kids can sit down. I have no problem doing it for grandpas or pregnant ladies … but kids seriously? I suppose parents want them to stay calm but it is not my problem if their kids got high on Mountain Dew at Disney on Ice. And for all I care, if the bus breaks and these kids fall down, they won’t fall from as high as an adult would and their bones are softer and more resistent to shocks anyway. And they should learn to hold on to the pole. So I see parents looking at me, disapproving with my attitude. And I won’t move for their little brats.

On the other side, we all know carebears. These people will always be on your side, they will listen to you and show empathy. They will not say anything when a french guy gets in front of them in the waiting line or when a client keeps changing his mind. And we like them, because we know we can go see our carebears when we have a problem, they will give us mental hugs and honestly I think we all need that from time to time. I too have this carebear side. I can’t say no to someone who asks me for help. I can’t resist even if it is counter productive for me probably because I am not a really smart guy so I just do what feels right instead of trying to be smart.

We all have some of these personalities inside us. I’m sure you do too. The danger is that we have a tendency to stay in the middle of the spectrum, which is  “the insensitive zombie area” according to me. I know what I’m talking about. It’s a little comfortable place to be, I have to fight to not stay into this state of mind, because when I’m there it’s like time stops and nothing happens.

Be an asshole on purpose

Of course it’s important to show empathy and you have the whole self-help blogosphere to tell you to be a carebear and live your life based on love and passion and blah blah blah… We read and hear this but we have a misconception of what being good is. We end up staying in the zombie state of mind thinking we are good because basically we are not bad.

I have much more respect for assholes than for zombies because they assume their choices and also because they challenge me. And that sums up why I think we have to cultivate our asshole personalities and be assholes on purpose, because they challenge the norms. They are the one who will lead their ways and make things change. Because you can’t be a carebear all the time and even if you try really hard to, I’m sure somebody out there think you are an asshole. So we might as well show them why we are assholes for. I am not talking about being an asshole just because we can be but rather adopting an asshole state of mind to make decisions happen and stand up for our values.

Think about it… We all have assholes in our networks and we can’t get rid of them, right? We meet them and think about their attitude, how toxic they can be. If they were so wrong and bad it would be easy to dismiss them. But for some reasons we can’t because behind all the discomfort we feel, we know these people are useful.

Being a “good” person is more about making change happen. Carebears don’t do that, they compromise and make people happy, they don’t make difficult decisions. Only an asshole personality gives you the stubbornness that is required for it. And I’m grateful for all the assholes I met. The ones that told me to push a little more, that I was not so great, that I could do better. They don’t make us comfortable like carebears could. This is the kind of people I want to meet.

This is the kind of people the world needs.

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When your art becomes artless

The zone… When I get into the zone I’m insanely great at writing code. If you ask me to explain to you what is C++ I would not be able. I could not “say” a line of C++ code. But when I am in the zone I speak C++ fluently. The code becomes obvious. I can absorb a huge amount of parameters and make the code clean, smooth and efficient.  This also happens when I write in English(which by extension is a special way of writing code).

This happens to every developer, writer, creator. It happens to you in a different kind of art. It could painting, writing, leading your team, accounting, running… you have your art and I’m sure you see what I mean.

When you reach the zone, there is no limit. Your art does not matter actually. You navigate, in an almost meditative state, higher than any of your art’s technical aspects. Your art becomes artless. Your art techniques becomes pointless. It gets done by itself, you are not working on it, you become the art. The product… well it’s just a product.

This is a concept that is largely explained in Zen in the art of archery. In this book Eugen Herrigel talks about his experience as practicing archery in Japan and how he became detached from the technique. The bow, arrow and target didn’t matter anymore. To simplify it to a pop culture analogy: think of it as Luke Skywalker shooting the Death Star with his eyes closed. The real target for the archer is himself. He “hits” himself. After all, aiming at a target is pointless. The arrow hits the target… big deal! But what does it mean?

If you think of your art. What is the ultimate purpose? Once you have reached your goal, nothing really happens except if you were changed in the process. Your art is you not what you do. But for that you have to reach the zone at some point.

It’s even difficult to put into words. Because how can I define that I’m the art when I write? The text seems to be the art but actually it is just me and a laptop in a special moment in a special place where everything is aligned so I can deliver this. That is what matters.

Now how could we extend this state of clarity? Is there a way to let go and be detached that life becomes the artless art? Can we live entirely in this mental state.

Two days ago I read this article about what people regret just before they die. This article mentions the “phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives”. Probably because there is no goal anymore, no need to act and everything gets detached. The art of life becomes literally artless.

I don’t really understand what it would be.

For now I just continue to write and I stay in the zone… for one more second and then another one until this gets published.

Rewire your brain

Good news: it seems that I start to find a general idea of what this blog is about. I read tons of advises on how to manage your blog and one of the main things was to have a clear mission statement. For some reasons I could seem able to find one. In the past year, the way I work changed, my activities changed, my relationships with others changed. Change has become one of my value and I feel this is the underlying purpose of this blog. So I guess change is my mission statement (for now… it may change).

(By the way, I still have no idea what In Space We Trust really means, I’m not joking. It just sounds cool from my point of view, that’s it.)

Sp today’s post is about change, but I like to call it “rewire your brain” because it sounds more clever and also more accurate from a neural point of view.

I’ve been taking Budokon classes for a month now. Budokon is basically a mix of yoga and martial arts. (Watch at this cool video if you wonder what it looks like). Last Saturday we learned how to perform the “water wheel”. It’s a weird arm movements that really fucks up your brain. I tried to show it to my wife after the class and I couldn’t remember which arm goes back or up or whatever. I suppose I have to train more before showing off.

The thing is my brain is not wired to do that. Think of it: we don’t move our arms sideways or behind or back very often, right? It’s still a possibility but the information is really hard to process. This is what happens when you train: some neurons get wired so your intention is processed into a movement correctly. Learning and training change your brain on a structural level. This is not easy, it’s frustrating and long. You look awkward trying to perform something that is supposed to be smooth. It requires efforts and this is the part where people give up. And I include myself in this category, I gave up on way too much stuff like this. But I’m willing to continue to  learn and be able to perform this water wheel. Anyway I already paid for the 4 other lessons and I don’t like wasting money so I’ll go and train.

I wonder if there is an upper level of rewiring (“rewiring the rewire”… say it 20 times really fast). Will my brain get more flexible in order to rewire more easily? In my experience, change brings more aptitudes for change. Is it a brain structural thing? I don’t know. I don’t believe it gets easier to change. Efforts are still required. I just feel a little more comfortable with the idea of effort. Yoga (and lately Budokon) offered me a great physical training. I was really limited in my flexibility. The past ten years of working mostly at a desk job did not help, both physically and a mentally. I get surprised sometime when I can reach a certain point in flexibility not because my body allows me to but because I accept that I can go to that point.

Does my brain get more flexible too?

It makes sense that physical changes are just consequences of the real rewires that happened in the brain. Of course your body tissues change but that’s a consequence of a desire you had. And it’s also true for everything if you think of it. Our whole society, our cities, our houses, etc… everything is based on ideas that people had. Ideas that happened as consequences of a particular way of brain wiring. The way we understand and interact with the world is a consequence of the way our brains are wired.

We are supposed to live in the information era but see how we keep doing the same mistakes that our ancestors did. Information is clearly not enough. Society has a tendency to preserve this way of thinking through education, media, politics, etc… We are brain wired to be engineers, cooks, waitress, teachers, etc… The whole system is a self-perpetuating ecosystem and it does not want you to decide by yourself, it does not want you to think differently. This is not part of the plan.

So what would happen if we cultivated mental flexibility?

What would happen if we decided to intentionally rewire our brains?

What would be the impact on the world?

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It’s all about sacrifices

Last Tuesday around 8pm I officially became a permanent resident of Canada. Self proclaimed immigration experts (who don’t work for immigration) told me it would take 6 to 8 months. In the end it took 20 months. Lesson learned: don’t believe experts. Go on the government website, take the processing period according to your case and consider it will be like it, because it will. You are not so special, they won’t go faster just for you.

The bright side : it gave me some time to think about what I wanted to do next. I have several projects (the big one being creating my own company) that were put on hold. It can be frustrating but in the end, I’m glad I was able to think twice (and more) and make the choices that are right. Now everything is ready, there is no barrier. It feels liberating and I’m actually still not really comfortable with this new step. It still feels new and unreal. I’ll get used to it.

Seriously, put yourself in a situation where you can’t build or work on your projects for 20 months and you learn about what is a sacrifice. Sometime I blamed the whole complexity of the process, but the truth is it was my choice to live here. I just had to deal with it. Perhaps the government makes the immigration process long on purpose. Just to be sure people are really serious about staying here. Perhaps it’s all about sacrifices. The more I think about it, the more it feels right, don’t you think?

Anyway, thank you Quebec and Canada. I’m really honored…

On being an adult

When I was a kid I imagined grown-ups as responsible beings who were taking care of important stuff. I imagined them smart and wise, living for progress of an ideal world. Then a little after that when I was an adolescent I started to create and design a life plan because my junior high school teachers were telling me too. I was projecting myself in adulthood but did not have a clue at 15 who I wanted to be. I reached adulthood or something that seemed to be adulthood. It was not black and white. I still wonder if I’ve reached this state of wiseness that I was suppose to. Do you ever wonder when you started to be an adult?

People told me I’m an eternal student and I should grow up. I try to figure out why they think that. Is it because I don’t have a house and a mortgage and I don’t have kids? Because I don’t have a car? Because I’m still not on perfect tracks for the rest of my life. Most of my friends are. Of course that would be nice to have all that. I envy them sometimes. Or is it really because I’m stupid and irresponsible? It could be, I don’t know…

Here is how I see adulthood:

The fact is that grown-ups are too busy to make the world better. That’s why there are mostly students and young pseudo-anarchists that are willing to protest and take actions to change the system. Meanwhile adults are worried about other problems like megaupload closing and how they will download 3 seasons of House to numb their brains this weekend right after typing TGIF on facebook on Friday at 5pm. If you think TGIF, remember that there is something wrong with 5 seventh of your life. Kids don’t think TGIF. Who’s smart and wise now?

I don’t see any meaning in living in a busy routine from 30 to 65.

When I was a kid I remember I could take risks. I could experiment, fail, try again, nobody seemed to care if it was serious or not. I was getting bored (I don’t remember being “busy”), playing, being stupid and inventing. There was no real search for meaning of… whatever.

Remember how you were as a kid? Remember the stupid and great stuff you did? Who built the barriers who prevent you to be like that now?

There is this one thing that kids do better than adults. They are living in the now. They don’t worry too much about consequences and regrets. They don’t try to control things they can’t control. What adults gain in knowledge and experience, they lose in something that is simply more natural, almost too naive. That’s what is to look for.