You are part of the discussion


I’m not awesome at social events but I am getting better. If you are like me, you think that you might not be interesting and people might find you boring. Imagine what the other person thinks: well this guy looks like a proud jerk who is too snob to be interested in me. That’s probably not true and you feel the complete opposite but this is the signal you are sending. The only remedy is to go talk to people and let them know that it is ok to come talk to you. (I know: I did reinvent the wheel here) It can be awkward but it will be ok in the end. I promise you.

At some point I closed the comments on every new blog post I published. Because I wanted people to link to my posts if they wanted to contribute to the discussion. Nobody did. The real reason was that I was scared that someone criticized what I wrote, but I hid it behind a supposedly clever idea. The message I sent was: you are too stupid to be part of the conversation. I also cancelled my facebook account because I was scared of people seeing me change and they might have made fun of me. Ridiculous. Seriously it was snob and stupid. Like going to a party and not talking to anyone.

If you are online (on facebook, on a blog, on flickr or wherever), don’t try to limit your access to people. Don’t hide behind smart ideas of what is right and serious. Admit it, you are online for attention, so let the doors open.

Don’t be a snob, you are already part of the discussion.

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  • http://twitter.com/DianadeBelflor María Ortega

    I love this post very much! I relate so much with it… I know that the image of myself when I am with a group of people I don’t know is like were too proud of myself to go to talk to anybody, as if I wasn’t interested in them when I am secretely dying to be part of the conversation and enjoying their company!!!
    You’re completely right in that we have to make the effort and talk to this people, loose the shield and take the risk of being hurt… we have more to win than to loose.

    Great post, Manu! :)

    • http://www.inspacewetrust.com Manuel Loigeret

      Thank you for the comment Maria.
      Yes, usually people are nicely surprised when you drop into the conversation. That’s what I love about online discussion, you can bypas the gesture protocol of infiltrating the group. Instead you can just say what you wan to say.
      Real life is more complicated if you try to control things. If you just say what you want, things work good.

  • Anonymous

    I think this is about vulnerability. It really is amazing how being online can challenge how much you open yourself. (People usually think of your online identity as fake, as an entirely constructed identity. But I have learned that this is not true.)

    In the last week my life has opened up in ways I could not think possible. I feel like a baby, walking around with wide eyes. I feel tender and vulnerable. But there is strength in the softness.

    It takes a terrifying lack of pride to just be yourself online and at parties, not to worry about others’ opinions.

    This week, shreds of my ego are being ripped from me. I feel like crying and laughing a lot. When the tears stop falling I know I will be more myself, able to be part of any discussion I find.

    • http://www.inspacewetrust.com Manuel Loigeret

      Very interesting. It’s true that we need to be vulnerable to be true (or is it the opposite). I still don’t get people hiding online. The message that is sent is that they have something to hide. That does not really inspire confidence.
      Vulnerability is better

  • http://mdrobertson.com Mark David Robertson

    I wanted to be a snob about something. Then I realized you have to know a lot about something to participate in the snobbification of the world. And I didn’t know anything. You’re post made me think that snobbery is like lying–it takes a lot of intelligence and the maintenance is very, very time-consuming and tiresome.

    • http://www.inspacewetrust.com Manuel Loigeret

      I agree with you. I was really tiring to try not to share my thoughts with everybody. Now I just try to be the same all the time. When I wake up, when I work, when I meet new people. It seems to work better and it’s definitely more interesting.
      Thanks for the comment.